Connect with us

Interviews

Marquis “Shadow 20z” Jordan and the silent pain of depression

While away in college, Tekken hopeful Marquis Jordan made a near-fatal decision.

Marquis “Shadow 20z” Jordan and the silent pain of depression

On Friday, April 28, 2017, 19-year-old Tekken hopeful Marquis “Shadow 20z” Jordan made a decision that would completely alter his life. When I contacted him about doing this interview, I had no idea that we would end up discussing the topic that unfolded. Like you, I learned it all during this interview. Depression is a very serious illness that does not discriminate and affects millions of people worldwide. Recently I’ve noticed many people within the FGC express on social media that they are battling with depression.

If you are experiencing feelings of hopelessness, or having thoughts about hurting yourself, please talk to someone – a trusted family member, a friend, loved one, or a counselor. Help can be found 24hrs/day by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).


From Marquis’ GoFundMe page, written by his father Lathaniel Jordan, Sr:

Marquis was attending college in Michigan as a freshman when he suffered a tragic accident in which he fell from the fourth floor of his dorm on April 28, 2017.  We are so thankful he survived!  As a result of the accident, he suffered multiple broken bones in his spine and ribs.  He was airlifted to a hospital in Grand Rapids, MI where he was in ICU.  He’s endured multiple surgeries and lost a lung.  He’s going to need continued medical treatment which includes rehabilitation and is currently unable to walk but is making slow progress although he is constant pain. 

Since Marquis is from Illinois, our family has been dealing with traveling from Chicago, IL to the hospital located in Grand Rapids, MI.  His mother has been staying in his room by his side since the accident.  Your donation would help with mounting medical bills, rehabilitation costs and family travel expenses.  We are so grateful that Marquis is improving and he really needs your financial support and prayers at this time.  Before the accident, Marquis was vibrant and involved in Martial Arts, swimming and other activities.  We want Marquis to have a chance to live his life to fullest!  He is so loved and we appreciate everyone’s help with medical expenses and ongoing recovery.

Interview

First of all, thanks for the interview sir! What is your name, age, and tell the people where you’re from?

My name is Marquis Jordan, I’m 19 and I’m from Chicago!

I’m always amazed when I meet someone from Chicago. I hear so much about the violence, homicides and gang activity. What’s it like growing up there and how have you managed to stay away from the negativity?

Growing up in Chicago can be rough, but there are a lot of opportunities here. And I learned you just have to go for it. As far as the violence, you never really know what to expect. Things sort of just happen. I managed to avoid a lot of that by staying involved with sports and gaming.

Speaking of gaming, when did you first get into Tekken?

I got into Tekken about three weeks before Tekken Tag 2 was released.

Tekken 6? That puts you at about 14 years of age at the time. What’s the Tekken scene like in the “Windy City”?

The scene here is actually pretty good. We have some good players that I get to play with at locals. I still haven’t got to play with Cuddle Core yet though.

Shoutout to little sis! When did you say to yourself “I think I’m pretty good at this game” and start playing competitively?

I started playing competitively after my WinterBrawl win. I realized that I could actually make it far.

You faced Brian H in grand finals at that one. What was that experience like?

I honestly didn’t think I would win, but I wanted to go for the experience and to be with friends and I ended up winning. That made me want to travel even more.

Was that your very first tournament?

The first tournament I entered was Summer Jam, and I got second place there.

Ah ok. How are you liking Tekken 7?

I actually really enjoy Tekken 7.

If I’m not mistaken, though you’ve told me before that you play all characters, your main was Kazuya. A very strong one in my opinion. How did you learn to play this Mishima at such a high level? Were there any players you watched?

I mostly watched the Korean Kazuya player Choksae. I would say he is probably one of my favorites to watch, but I don’t see too much of him anymore.

Recently it has been all Claudio though, one of the new characters. Why the switch?

The design of Claudio is pretty much what made me want to play him. As for Kazuya I still use him, but I do consider Claudio my main.

When you say the design of Claudio, do you mean how he looks, his moveset, or what?

Claudio looks like he could be a character from an anime, and me being a big fan of anime I just took interest in him. His moveset feels incomplete and I often find myself having to play really risky with him.

Your older brother Joonya 20z plays Tekken as well. Did you both begin at the same time? And who’s the strongest player?

Yes, well he started to play Tekken a little while before me and he always suggested that I play it so I gave it a try and I loved it. He use to always bully me, but now I feel I am the better player.

Tell me about 20z.

20z started with a close friend of mines. We decided to make a clan for the game Dragon Ball Raging Blast. Now we are a group of close friends whom we consider family.

How many members?

There’s roughly about 15 active members, but not all play Tekken.

Earlier this year you had a very unfortunate incident happen while you were away in college. I don’t know all of the details, but you were seriously hurt due to falling from your dorm room window or something. I also heard you lost a lung. What happened?

College was a stressful and depressing experience for me. I’ll just say that depression and bad decisions got the best of me.

Oh wow, I’m hearing you loud and clear. What was it about college and your life experiences up to that time that got the best of you? And when you look back on the situation, do you regret it?

For me it was just a totally different environment. I’m used to Chicago and a big city with lots of things to do, but I was at school in a pretty small city with not much to do, on top of classes.

What school were you at? Freshman year too, right?

Yes, it was my first year at Central Michigan University.

I don’t think anyone who has known or met you would’ve thought you were suffering in silence like that. Were you struggling on the inside, wrestling with thoughts and trying to keep a smile at the same time?

I sort of was just sad a lot. I didn’t want to do anything. I barely ate sometimes. All I could really think about was being home. All of my time away wasn’t bad though. I met some amazing friends and had some great times.

Did anyone in your family know what you were going through? Did you ever try to reach out to anyone?

My parents did think something was wrong, but I always told them it was fine. Mostly because I didn’t want to disappoint them.

How long would you say you were suffering from depression? Do you recall a time when you first realized you weren’t feeling happy anymore?

I would say it was when I went back to school after Christmas break. I would say I missed my family too much and leaving them again kind of hurt.

 

 

What are you doing today to work on being the best you – being content with where you are in life and enjoying the journey?

First I’m just working on becoming healthy again. Then, back to traveling and probably to continue on to school.

How has this affected your life?

Since then, I now live with just one lung and some broken bones in my spine and ribs, but I can say I’m blessed to be alive and able to walk.

Thank God you are able to walk. Is the plan to eventually have the broken bones fixed, and how are you able to maintain with one lung?

With my multiple surgeries I had some bones replaced with metal and with one lung I get tired pretty quick. There’s not any significant changes that I can feel, but for the most part it’s pretty much the same.

When I reached out, you mentioned that you were attending therapy. How many times a week do you go it, and what’s the recovery process been like?

I go to therapy 2-3 times a week. The therapist’s that work with me are amazing and they’ve worked me really hard so I’m making a lot of improvement very quickly.

That’s good to hear. When the news first came out, I remember your father putting together a GoFundMe to raise money, and people sending messages of support and such. How did the community encourage you at that time?

The community’s support showed me that a lot of people really cared for me. As much as I wanted to give up, I couldn’t. My incident only makes me want to do better.

Any regrets?

There is some, but I try not to hold on to the past. Things happen for a reason.

Do you still see yourself getting involved with esports in a major way?

I actually do plan to compete a lot more once I recover a bit more. I can say that I plan on attending K.I.T as my first major since my incident.

What advice would you give to people who battle with depression and are having thoughts of suicide?

I would say in any case you feel depressed you should reach out to your family as soon as possible. In my case, I found being homesick played a big role in my depression. Also not wanting to disappoint my parents. I didn’t really talk to my family when I was away. Don’t forget that you always have family and they would do anything for you.

Well said. Any last words?

Thank you for the interview!!! #20z.

Thank you, man, for being willing and open to share your story. That takes a lot of heart and courage. 


If you are experiencing feelings of hopelessness, or having thoughts about hurting yourself, please talk to someone – a trusted family member, a friend, loved one, or a counselor. Help can be found 24hrs/day by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Aziz Peregrino-Brimah aka Zee the CEO | Founder / Editor-in-chief of TekkenGamer | Gaming has been a passion of Zee’s since the early days of Atari and ColecoVision. His first experience with Tekken was in the early 90’s, and it was Tekken 3 that sealed the deal. True story… As a teenager Zee once received his Winn-Dixie paycheck and spent it all at the arcade the same day. Needless to say, his mother wasn’t pleased.

Comments

More in Interviews

Send this to a friend